The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife

Subject: The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife Thu Sep 16, 2010 1:34 am

Every married man out there has discovered that getting along with his wife is not as easy as getting along with his friends. Seriously, who knew that having a drink and watching a game wasn't every woman's idea of the ultimate weekend? So let these words of wisdom guide you along the way to happiness and true lo >choke< err..true l >gag<. Well..not getting divorced.

The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife

Don't Be That Guy

This is obvious, but bears stating. We can all be @$$holes at times, but try to keep it at a minimum. I mean really...how much do you like her when she's be a (bleep)ch?

Blame Your Friends for Everything

Seriously, if you wreck the house it's because your old roommate was a slob and it rubbed off on you. If you wreck the car it's because your buddy called you and you were fishing for your phone. If you were caught looking at another woman it's because she reminded you of your cousin's ex. Whatever it is IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Just be sure to blame someone who's not there to defend himself.

“Yes Dear,” is NOT the Answer to Every Question

Let's face it guys. Sooner or later wifey is going to look at you and ask something along the lines of “Does my butt stick out in this?” or “Am I as annoying as my mother is?” If you answer yes to either of these questions, you're a dead man. As a matter of fact...

If Your Wife Asks You a Question Which Makes You Look Bad No Matter How You Answer it, Dying is an Acceptable Response

Seriously, keep a noose handy. When your wife hits you with one of those stereotypically female questions like “Am I as annoying as my mom is?” and your life is about to end just threaten to hang yourself due to the unfairness of the situation. The woman will usually let you off the hook immediately.
Disclaimer: Do not do this if you have seriously pissed your wife off in the last few minutes.

Do Not Act Like You've Been Given a Get Out of Jail Free Card When You Dodge a Feminine Activity.

Look,. I don't want to go to a baby shower either. I'm not really looking forward to that Crafternoon that's coming up next weekend either. But the fact that I already have a bottle of Johnny Walker in the basement and the phone number of the pizza place on speed dial is no reason to ACT like I'm happy that's gonna be gone for the afternoon, even if the game of the century is gonna be on. Hell, if you can find a place to hide the dirty laundry for a day or two and you act like you missed her enough, you can even use this as an excuse to score brownie points. There's nothing better than looking like you've done something without doing anything.

No Matter What Happens Remember This: You Married Her

Yup, it's your fault. Really. It's your fault BECAUSE it's her fault. You volunteered for this, so you might as well enjoy it. When all else fails, remember that.

And remember that MARRIAGE stands for:

My Awfully Retarded, Really Ingnorant Ass Got Espoused.

You knew the acronym before you got married, right?

Subject: Re: The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife Thu Sep 16, 2010 2:48 am

Hahaha! "Dying is an acceptable response" made me think of Sanford and Son. 'Weezy, Its the big one!'

**Moderator**

LOL nice Jimbo!

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In a world where words are deadlier than knives and spelling mistakes costs lives.. two men will rise up to fight back! This Fall Catch Wry and Doc in: SPELLING B - This time it's VERBAL

**S12 News Staff**

wow jimbo thats some epic advice.

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Tá cumhacht san eolas

**S12 Captain**

All I have to say is "WOW". That's it. WOW.

**Weapons Specialist**

Dude HELL YEAH I'd big up that get out of jail free card! When we had the baby shower at our house for little man, I did a 5-6 hour toy run all over north Dallas!

**New Recruit**

Some wise advice there, and a great funny read.

Subject: Re: The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife Sun Sep 26, 2010 7:12 am

Thanks Michael. Welcome to the Sector and congratulations on your first post!

**New Recruit**

looking at this makes me glad i'm divorced.

**Administrator**

These rules are wrong.

THere is only one rule neceassirly to get along with your wife.

[b]Get a Russian Mail order bride. If she misbehaves deport her ass. Remind her that will happen if she does not behave. Your marriage will be smooth.

**New Recruit**

Wait a sec! Let me get a pen and paper.

**New Recruit**

sgtapon wrote:

looking at this makes me glad i'm divorced.

That right there is the one ultimate rule for getting along with your wife.

DIVORCE!!!

**Administrator**

DIVORCE, they may charge a lot but it's worth every penny!

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The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife

The Rules for Getting Along With Your Wife

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